Econs was just over. I did badly. I couldn't face myself anymore... I don't know what was I thinking then... I completely lost out. There is no reason for me to face the world anymore... I lost badly...

Tomorrow is a free day. One whole day to study applics. Now... would I use the time resourcefully or not? The last paper is applics on Friday. Just one more paper and it's the end of the mid year exams... How would I be able to fare? Would I just flunk it some more? I really wonder...

In the end, nevertheless, I guess I am happy to have someone with me all the time. Even in the exams, when I am facing distraught, I have someone there, always beside me. I hope this could last forever, and I hope for once, I'd be able to obtain something everyone has been searching for. I really hope that this time those feelings in you are not "young and naive", for I am sure that it is very special for me in the heart.

wait.. song stuck kat head... "don't love me for fun girl, let me be the one girl, love me for a reason, let the reason be loved ~~~"

Could you love someone and be loved back?

War of the EE2~~~

Accounts seemed easy enough, but I have a feeling that I sorta screwed it up cuz my answers are relatively different from the rest... and the R-E-S-T I mean... ESL passed by like the wind, with questions that set in doubts in my mind. My essay was two and a half pages long, but I just have the feeling I went out of topic....

AND TODAY'S CALCULUS!!!!!!! HELL WAS I SCARED!!!!!!!! AND NERVOUS!!!!!!!! AND WHAT'S MORE TO IT???? I LEFT A QUESTION HANGING CUZ I DIN HEAR HIM SAY 1 MINUTE LEFT AND I WENT AND REDO MY MISTAKE AND I CANT COMPLETELY REDO THE MISTAKE AND THUS LEFT IT HANGING!!!!!!! OMG!!!!! I CANT ACCEPT SUCH STUPIDITY!!!!!!!!!!
~Ranting Ends~

Now left with econs and Applics... I hope I don't screw this two up... They're all I have... (other than that extra factor outside the war that is more important than war itself =P)

TO THE STUDIES!!!!

I've encoutered many a times of exams, but this may be my very first exam where I felt so very anxious about. I'd always felt that I would want to strive to do much better in exams, but this time, I want the exams to come faster. I want it to finish up as if I just skipped it, and I would very much like now to be a day with exams, rather than a weekend like this.

I studied and studied but I never could help but to glance towards my phone. I was hoping so much for it to light up, to vibrate, and to bring about a message for which brings so much warmth in it, that gave me more motivation to work. Yes, my heart is not with my studies, but nevertheless, I felt much better this way. I'd love it to remain so.

Even so, I wouldn't want to give up my studies, for I would not want to disappoint anyone, including myself. I have to score much higher, to prove that I am worthy to take this up.

Lay my strength upon that which I treasure most

Knowing myself, I'd put in more effort in this. Seeing that I had not known you a lot, I hope I could get to know you more. Thus, leaving me the temptation to be closer and gaining pace. I've been waiting long since and never had I felt so lost and lonely before. Does it signify something deep down? I still think there's a certain distance, I want to know you better. For now I know you not... Where art thou...

Oh dear... Exams coming... I wanna know the questions!!!! Well, at least I wanna know my facts properly so that my answers are correct. I hope I could score very high in this time's exams. Study study study...

Whatever will be will be. I have no idea what I am anymore. To my friends, I may look nice. To myself, I could only see a devil within. What am I?

I let it out today. But it wasn't what I intend to. Nevertheless, the striking force of the disappointment never left my heart till now. Why should I worry?? I don't quite understand the fact... I thought I could never again touch my heart, but I felt it today again.

Besides, whatever happened was not stopping just there. I discovered I was an ass. How could I always expect something that might not be the same for everyone else? I should hv given a clearer picture but I had to assume that everyone understands. Why am I so idiotic??!@?! I can't possibly assume that everyone knows!!!! Plus!!!! What the hell you think you're doing, INIRE!!!! Get your ass off and start to change!!!! GET OUT OF MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!

I hope it'll change soon. I have to... My weakness... I can't be perfect, but at least I want to be the best of me, forever... so what say you, Inire...

Have I grown up at all
after so long in this vell
you who placed me in here
i won't ever forget

I came out now
saw more things and understand more
but yet i feel it
it hasn't gone away

I got back a kind companion
whom i began to miss as i type this
where are you now?
I just need to feel you here

Long I have not typed
For life is quite a blast
Full of different activities
And soon I'll learn pain

Here I stop right now
And wait for thy arrivement
Oh when will you be back?
I am bored of studying...