I wrote this out of real boredom from the stupid chemistry project. I don't expect it to be nice, but it's what I had in mind...

The dark sky seemed
to twirl above me,
Ever since I met you,
The cloud had never faded.

I knew that the sun shines elsewhere
When I looked out afar,
But I had always hoped that
Your undying beauty would rid me of the darkness.

For you,
I had met courage
And tried to embrace it
In order to reach you.

In you,
I had seen gentleness
That had always surrounded you
And was where I hoped to touch.

From you,
I had received a certain welcome
Into that bright sky of yours
I was happy, to see you smile.

Because of you,
I knew what was love,
I was brought out of the dark clouds,
Where it was warm and bright.

But in the end,
I kept a certain distance
Though I want to show my affection,
For I was afraid to see the dark clouds again.

Just for you,
I wrote this,
And that is all
I could do
In the end.

Jason 26/8/2005

So, how's it? Boring?

Just came back from genting!! And Whee!! it was fun!! Family and I went to the outdoor theme park and played from morning till night. Still didn't get on the corkscrew or the flying coaster, damn! It looked fun, but I don't want to get on myself.

Anyway, it was my first time getting on a go-kart and it was niceeeee. Only thing is that the speed is lousy. Sigh sigh... Anyway, it's damn cool, got to wear the helmet for the first time in my life!!! It was so heavy. Could feel my head losing balance for the first time. ^^


Then, there was this bumper boat, it was supposed to be fun. But I got on this stupid boat with a broken or worn-out handle. I can't accelerate properly. I need to turn the accelerator like super-hard, until the end of the ten minutes, my hand turned sore...


All in all, it was fun. We stayed there in First World Hotel. It was.... small.

Guess that's it this time. Still have the chemistry and add maths folio to finish. =D

My prayers had somehow not been answered. It is really funny how things turned out. It is amazing how the haze had disappeared. I thought it was the end, but I was wrong, terribly wrong.

I turn out to be having a very bad time in school. Classes don't seem to go so well, except maybe that I skipped my oral for like one week. :D Chemistry may indeed be the worst class so far. I seemed to be not keeping up with it already. The experiments had been a total disaster. Homework seemed to be crashing down on me. I've been working overtime everyday after the haze. (doubt there'll be any difference tomorrow)

Sometimes I want to speak, sometimes I want to express, sometimes I truly feel like bursting out, but why couldn't I? Everytime I glance, my head began to ache very badly, my eyes turned sore.
Aishiteru. anata o shinjiteiru, shikashi, kimi wa boku no kokoro o kizu tsuketa... doushite?
That could never receive an answer. I am just too...

I once stated that no matter what happens, I would complete the story of which I am writing. But, I am in doubt now. It may be just an illusion that I have been chasing. The same as Inire in my story, who chases for something he knew he could never get. I do not feel like continuing as a war had began in my thoughts.

Today, the dreaded day seemed to be coming. I hate my father coming back very early, which he did today. It is partly good, partly bad, more bad I shall say. I pray that his stress may be lifted. That 'bastard' should just die away, leave my dad alone, shithead!!! FXCK!!!

I hope this would be the last depressing post, and hopefully not the last post. It is all decided after the war. The one war that will destroy the life of one party and change its course. May he win the war. I pray inside, and hope that at least this paryer is answered. A rejoice or a goodbye? I hope all of you are still my friends...

Barg!!! Damn tired!!! The funeral's over. Everyone's been really working till 2, 3 o'clock in the morning for the past two days. I've slept for a full 6 hours today after returning at around 1 o'clock. There goes my Thrusday.

The haze is really getting worse. Well, no school :). And I gave the school the letter saying that I won't be going to school today!!! So stupid...

And what the hell lar!!! This blog seemed like no one's been visiting. The tag board is like useless. Come on, is the answer for the previous post's last question a 'no'? And I was hoping that my life would get better... *slaps forehead*

Did any of you manage to understand figure out what last post's 'goodbye' meant?If you don't, never mind. If you do, I doubt it... I even doubt anyone would care, if they do figure out.

Currently, part two of my story is with Alex and he's taking his own sweet time to read. Well, I don't actually mind because I don't intend to start the last part until the final term exam is over. What I actually want is the comment for the chapter, "The Memories that are not lost" (or something like that). Remember to tell me if you've read it. I think I over-did that chapter. Forgive me for using your names to write the story, hope you don't mind =D. I'm just being a bit dreamy.

My heart really hurt for the past few days, for many factors that are best kept at heart. I am not even sure whether I should write this blog. If you are a Malaysian, you should be aware of the stupid haze. I hate this haze in particular. It had... been a bad omen.

I did my damn chemistry experiment and guess what? I failed the stupid salt experiment four times!!! On top of that, my last mixture was completely wrong as it was supposed to be zinc nitric but I mixed zinc with ammonium. Guess what!! I got a new salt, Zinc Ammonium!!! The Jasonium salt, how nice... Chem teacher was like saying 'gagal' (failed) and 'tak payah buat lagi' (no need to redo). DAMN!!!

This section, I would write about today's worst news I have. It is about my great grandmother. She passed away this morning, at around ten, so my mother told me. She was kind, but it seemed that her time had ended. She was 97 years old. And 100 if it's according to the Chinese way of counting. She lived a quiet life. My heart ached at this news.

These are the only things I would post up here. Maybe I am just sensitive or something but... Sometimes ignoring just isn't the way out. I've tried.

About my title, try to guess what it means. Heh... it is my first time facing something like that. Probably none of you would feel anything when it comes. I'm expecting too much, but I hope my prayers could actually help. I am yet prepared to face it.

How many would actually call me a real friend? Honestly?

I am feeling so tired today. First time in my LIFE!!! Nah, maybe not. But today had the dance practice, if you even call that a dance, and it was so last minute. Anyway, I had the steps in mind but just couldn't co-ordinate them with the music. Sad, isn't it. Gonna make a fool out of myself tomorrow. Installation, for wat!!!!

Oh, I got bancrupt this week for no apparent reason. Pay this pay that. From 25 bucks, it became like two? What is the World becoming?

I finished the second part of my story!!! Passed it to Alex, though was hoping Sarah read it first. Her comments are more trustable... Sry Alex, no offence.

That's all, got to sleep soon. Cya people!!!