It's just the second day school reopened. But I felt as if I could not carry on any more. The impact on my heart really had demolished any self esteem I ever had. Now I felt only to cry out loud and pass away just like that. I felt further and further away from everyone. There wasn't much delighting things happening.

Yesterday was one terrible day. I didn't know what to do after I was back from school. I played the piano freely, without any timing at all... Going slow and fast as my heart felt like. I tried to complete my add maths project, but sat idle for almost an hour before keeping the things, untouched. I tried to sleep, but turned over and over, never able to shut my mind.

Today I feel different in school. And possibly, the monster in me would be coming out soon. I did things I had not done for quite a long time, I felt things that had I not felt since long ago. I hated that, but it seems that it is getting harder to control it now. Looking around, I felt that I was never wanted, never needed. Just a burden to all. I don't know... I feel that I am too much a trouble to be with. Hopefully this ends tonight...